OK
An update
I didn't get out to fix (long story) and the problem continued
And then today, on my way back from a LONG drive (another long story), it suddenly started to misfire at/above 3500 revs. So I pulled in the gas station for gas and a pie, and set off again. Engine warm so I needed to keep the revs up on pulling away, and once up and running, ran like a dream, all the way to my mechanic - where I nearly got killed as it died as I crossed the median...
Upshot was, they couldn't get it to run long enough to get it on the lift. I did that and they changed the fuel filter. They thought it was running lean but adjusted the airflow (removed the screw) and the car didn't stall. Suggesting the opposite to lean.... They stuck a meter on the exhaust and was running at about 5 on idle, but 11 when revved up. Car still stalling in gear but idling happily in neutral
Upshot is, they have let me borrow a w201 (2.6 auto - lovely car) for the weekend and will get their whizz on it on Monday. Hopefully we'll find out more, BUT the cold start valve was mentioned as possibly not shutting off
The long drive was to a bodyshop as I need work done. Seemingly - and why is this always the case? - more than I thought was needed
Going to be an expensive winter....