This may sound too obvious, but if yuor engine stalls if you put it in neutral, and not if you keep it in whatever gear, then the solenoid is doing its job, but the idle setting without the solenoid (i.e. neutral) is too 'low' i.e. you need to increase the idle speed in neutral, and decrease then the amount of action you get from the solenoid when you put the car in gear (or else the idle speed will be too high when you put it in gear).