You should have a constant speed solenoid on the right side of the intake manifold that nudges the throttle linkage to raise the idle a bit when you put the trans in gear. It is activated by pressure switches on the transmission. The switches, the wiring, or the solenoid itself can be bad and cause the idle to drop in gear. If it is working, there is an adjustment to extend the rod to make it more effective. If it's working properly, the in-gear idle should be maybe 100 rpm lower than P or N.