joke

[Benz Dr.]

So, the Benz Dr. is sitting at a bar minding his own business when this huge, surly American guy ( probably from FL ) walks in. As he passes the Benz Dr. he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.
The big surly American bellows, '' That's a karate chop from Korea. ''
Well, the Dr. gets back on his bar stool and resumes drink his Labbats Blue.
The surly American then gets up to go to the washroom and, as he walks by the Benz Dr he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor a second time.
'' That's a judo chop from Japan,'' he says.
The Dr. has had enough and decides to leave.
An hour later, The Dr. comes back and sees the surly American sitting on his bar stool. He walks up behind him and whacks him on the head, knocking him out cold.
With great pride , the Benz Dr. says to the crowd,
''When he wakes up, tell him that was a crow bar from Canadian Tire.''

Daniel G Caron

[hauser]

Why do Canadian screw doggyy style?

So they can both watch the hockey game.

1969 280sl 5 spd        1999 ML320          Gainesville,Fl.

[Cees Klumper]

This thread could go on forever !

Good thing Florida and Canada are not next door to each other, AFAIK.

Seriously, anybody have any (really) good car jokes ?!

Cees Klumper in Amsterdam
'69 white 280 SL automatic

[hauser]

Two Canadian guys, Dan and Bill were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

"I have an idea, said Dan. We'll trow you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

"What do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light"

"What do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flaslight when I'm half way there."

1969 280sl 5 spd        1999 ML320          Gainesville,Fl.

[hauser]

Hey Cees I hope you like this one.

A man driving his car is stopped by a police officer. The man says "what's the problem?" The cop says you were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. The man replied, "no sir, I was going 65." His wife in the pasenger seat said "you were doing 80" The guy gives his wife a dirty look. The cop says I'm also going to give you a ticket for a broken taillight. The guy says "I did'nt know I had a broken taillight." His wife speaks out again and says "You've known about that broken taillight for weeks." She gets another dirty look from her husband. The cop says "I'm also going to give you another ticket for not wearing your seatbelt."  The man replies, "I just took it off!"  The wife butts in again and exclaims, "You never wear a seatbelt!" The man turns to his wife and and yells, "Shut your damn mouth!!"  The cop turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."

1969 280sl 5 spd        1999 ML320          Gainesville,Fl.

[n/a]

Hey Cees,
 What do you think of this one? A Guy gets pulled over one night by
this highway cop, the cop gets off his bike and walks upto the drivers
window and says sir please switch off your engine and get out of the
vehicle and follow me to the rear , well the guy thinks
hes in real trouble but he does as he is asked and gets out of the vehicle and goes to the rear of it, cop says did you know your left tail light was out? the driver puts his hands to his head and lets out
a scream (god oh god no) cop says calm down sir it's not that bad, it's
only a tail light. ( cop can't understand mans response) So the driver
turns to the cop, says Hell man wheres my caravan.!!!!!!

Pagoda Red

red kelly

[Cees Klumper]

These are funny jokes indeed. I've been trying to remember funny car-related jokes but I can't come up with any  :? .
Keep it coming, the Surgeon General has determined that laughing is healthy  

Cees Klumper in Amsterdam
'69 white 280 SL automatic

[Benz Dr.]

And now for something you're really going to enjoy.... ( Rocket T Squirrel )

So farmer Dan gets pulled over by Florida State trooper Hoser for speeding. Sate trooper Hoser started to lecture farmer Dan about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around and try and make farmer Dan uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper gets around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. Farmer Dan says, '' Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?'' The  trooper stops writing the ticket and said, '' Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies.'' So farmer Dan says, '' Well circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're mostly found circling around the back end of a horse.'' State tooper Hoser says, '' Oh '' and goes back to writing the ticket, then after a minute he stops and says,
'' Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?
Farmer Dan says,'' Oh no officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and poilice officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.''
State tooper Hoser says. ''Well, that's a good thing ''  and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, farmer Dan says.......



'' Hard to fool them flies though.''

Daniel G Caron

[hauser]

A blonde tried to sell her car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with. The brunette told her, "There's a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I sell the car."

"okay," said the brunette. "Here's the adress of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer back to 50,000 miles. Then you shouldn't have a problem selling it anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About a month later, the brunette asked the blonde, Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."


1969 280sl 5 spd        1999 ML320          Gainesville,Fl.

[Mike Hughes]

An advertisement appeared in the classified section of the newspaper:  "Mercedes-Benz 600SL, Red, 8K Miles, $500.00"

A guy calls up to find out the real price, figuring a typo, and the woman who answers the phone says "That's the real price, but I need to sell the car quickly!"  So the guy goes over to inspect the car and ends up buying it.

After he has given the woman 5 crisp $100 bills and has the signed title and keys in his hand he asks, "Why are you selling this beautiful car so inexpensively?"

The woman replied,"My husband ran off with his secretary a couple of weeks ago.  Earlier this week he called me from Cancun and told me: 'Sell my Mercedes and send me the money.'  So I am!"

- Mike Hughes  -ô¿ô-
  1966 230SL Auto P/S
  Havanna Brown (408)
  Light Beige (181)
  Cream M-B Tex (121)

[Joe]

The Benz Dr. gets out of the red rocket and walks into a bar with a paper bag.  He sits down and places the bag on the counter.  The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
 
The Doc reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high, and he sets him on the counter.
 
He reaches back into the bag and this time pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.  He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he placed in front of the piano.
 
The Doc sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.
 
"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.  The Dr. responded by reaching into the paper bag.  This time he pulls out a magic lamp.
 
He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here.  Rub it."
 
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke, then a beautiful genie is standing before him.  "I will grant you one wish.
 
Just one wish.........each person is only allowed one!"
 
The bartender got real excited.  Without hesitating he said, "I want a million bucks!".
 
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.  It is soon followed by another duck, then another.  Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they kept coming.  The bartender turns to the Doc and says,
 
"Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf.  I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
 
"I know", says the Doc, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

[n/a]

A middle-aged woman takes her relatively new Mercedes to a dealer because it shifts hard and runs poorly. The car is out of warranty. The dealer's mechanic looks at the car, drives it, and tells her that she needs to have both the engine and transmission rebuilt, and that the total cost will be $15,000...the woman is quite upset and says, she doesn't think that the car needs that much work, and that she would like to get a second opinion.
   "OK", says the mechanic..."you're ugly, too..."

[Benz Dr.]

spoons:

So when we were down in Florida we decided to take some friends out to Hoser's restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his pocket. It seemed a little bit strange. When the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his pocket. Then I noticed all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked '' why the spoon?''
'' Well, he explained, '' Mr. Hoser the restaurant owner, hired Anderson Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximently 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personenel are better prepared, we can reduce the numbers of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man hours per shift.

As luck would have it, I droped my spoon and he was able to relace it with his spare. '' I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip''. I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was string hanging out the waiter's fly. Looking around I noticed that all the male waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter '' can you tell me why you have that string right there ( pointing ).
'' Oh certainly. ''
 Then he lowered his voice.'' Not everyone is so observant.''

''That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this sting to the end of you know what, we can pull it out without even touching it and eliminate the need to wash outr hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%''

'' After you get it out, how do you put it back?''

''Well....'' he wispered,






''I don't know about the others, but I use my spoon! ''

Daniel G Caron

[hauser]

Did you hear about the Canadian that locked his keys in the car?

It took him two hours to get his family out.

1969 280sl 5 spd        1999 ML320          Gainesville,Fl.

[Benz Dr.]

I like mine better. You must be running out of anything funny.......

Daniel G Caron

[hauser]

What's the speed limit of sex?

68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

_______________________

How do you know when a male pornstar is at the gas station?

Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.


1969 280sl 5 spd        1999 ML320          Gainesville,Fl.

[Benz Dr.]

Ah.... you better quit while you still can...

Daniel G Caron

[mdsalemi]

My, My, My....

I go away to Starfest for a few days, and look at all I missed!  The good Benz Dr. is throwing haymakers (really, he does indeed make hay) while Hauser (Or is that Hoser?  There seems to be a lot of misspellings in this thread...) is slinging back hash--as in corned beef hash...

I don't know about you guys and gal, but don't think I want to be in the same room as these two...B U T  the jokes are pretty good...



Michael Salemi
1969 280SL
Signal Red w/Black Leather
Restored